Day 3 - Jury Selection Antics

Ongoing Courtroom Sketches for the Trump Hush Money Trial

The Daily Brooklyn Bugler’s editors have so far been pleased with the courtroom sketches I’ve supplied for Donald Trump’s Hush Money Trial. In case you didn’t know, this trial is actually about Trump fraudulently altering financial reports in order to hide his payments and not his peccadillos.

Apparently paying money to hush up some fiddling around is perfectly legal, but fiddling with your books is a big no-no.

Anyhow, here we are at Day 3 of trying to narrow down on a jury.

This is a nearly impossible job, given the hijinks that Trump and his minions have pulled, as well as how many New Yorkers have a justified hate, or fear, of “The Donald.”

To quell the reports of Trump napping during the proceedings, today he showed up wearing a drinking helmet that was loaded up with cans of his favorite Diet Coke, or as he calls it, “stay-awake soda.”

He had Rudy Guiliani acting as his “Soda Boy.” Rudy was to keep him well supplied with the effervescent libation and, if possible, make jurors feel queasy at the sight of Rudy’s runny hair dye.

During jury selection, it was overheard that Rudy asked Trump if he’d given any thought to paying up on that two million bucks he’s owed Guiliani since late 2020.

Supposedly Trump replied, “Keep my whistle wet and maybe I’ll crack open my checkbook.”

Judge Juan Merchan was none too pleased to see Trump’s latest antics before the court.

But since he viewed this as a possible solution to keep Donald somewhat quiet during jury selection, he agreed to let him keep the helmet, as long as Donald sipped quietly.

Donald complied by giving the judge two short sips…and a fart.

Although when it was prosecution’s turn to question jurors, Trump could be heard making threateningly long slurps at various juror’s responses.

Judge Merchan immediately asked Trump’s lawyers to control their client.

At this point, Rudy Guiliani surpised everyone. First, by thinking he still had a law license and then by charging up to the bench, where he argued for Donald Trump’s right to make “intimidating slurps, gulps or swigs.”

The judge directed the bailiff to eject Rudy Guiliani from the courtroom and to feel free to use “extreme force.”

At the end of the day, after the dismissals of hundreds of jurors over the course of three days, 12 jurors had at long last been selected.

Donald Trump’s legal team looked physically exhausted by the whole ordeal.

Lawyer to the stars, Todd Blanche, having fainted from the mind numbing excuses given by jurors, was slumped back in his chair.

Attorney Joe Tacopina was openly weeping with joy at finally getting 12 jurors sworn in. However when he was told he’d have to return tomorrow to pick alternates, he shrieked in horror.

Meanwhile Attorney Susan Necheles seemed to be considering a career change as she could be heard muttering, “…shoulda been a CPA…or maybe a vet.”

All seemed to be pretty downtrodden, but then Donald shouted out to the table, “Which one of you Ambulance Chasers is gonna get me a Diet Coke?”

“How about you, Dollface?” Donald said as he turned to Necheles.

I think that’s when his lawyers realized the true cost of working for Donald Trump.

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In case you missed my first day of covering the trial, here’s a link.

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I hope you enjoyed this “update” from the trial. I’ll be back for more next week. The Daily Brooklyn Bugler said they can’t afford my fee on a day of only choosing alternates. Hmph.

While I got you here, let me take some time to give some shouts out to a few folks.

First, lets give a round of applause to Jane Rosenberg and Christine Cornell. These are the two courtroom sketch artists actually covering the trial and they’re doing a damn fine job.

Next I want to thank Bill Russel at Illustrated Journalism. His posts on reportage artists has been outstanding and they’re what inspired me to do these psuedo-courtroom sketches.

Next I’d like to thank all the old and new subscribers that have jumped onto the Escape from Clowntown train. Cheers to you all and a special cheers to user @dianesbluenotes for signing up and inviting some of her friends to also sign up for my brand of humor. Hopefully, I’ll keep you laughing.

Ciao,

Ed

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