Weirdo Discoveries!
Weirdo Discoveries!
Plus a discussion about monkey brains.
I’m endlessly amused by the stupid ideas and theories that fall from the lips of some folks. Thankfully it’s a great source of inspiration.
The Monkey In The Shadows.
Thanks to evolution there’s a screaming, devious little monkey inside each of our brains.
It whines and thrashes back and forth in our head whenever it feels impatience, rage, danger, or the unknown.
Four million years ago this monkey brain helped us to survive in a world that was hostile to monkeys. It performed things like sensing and running from predators, or making simple tools that allowed us to kill what we saw as a threat, such as a monkey from another tribe.
Unfortunately, there’s far too many murderous humans who still cling to that particular behavior.
Stupid dangerous monkeys.
Luckily there are those of us who do a great job at not listening or paying attention to the monkey. That’s helping to evolve our species.
But alas, there are an enormous amount of humans who still listen to that backwards tiny monkey.
We should choose differently and rely on that higher logical intelligence we’ve developed over the eons, but honestly for some that’s too much work. Instead they’d rather defer all decisions to that rash simian screecher looming in the shadows of our grey matter.
This nasty little irrational ape is responsible for too much in our world today.
It screams at a barista when they didn’t get the right amount of cinnamon sprinkled over it’s Frappa-crappa-mocha-cino.
It then orders a second one of those 4000 calorie nightmares to go so that he can drink it on his way to 7-11 for a 32oz Big Gulp.
Afterwards the monkey forces a person to travel to the nearest All-You-Can-Eat Bar-B-Que, at the fastest possible speed.
No matter how much one tries to fight him, the monkey will overcome and press down on the gas pedal when there’s a slim chance it’ll beat a yellow light.
Nobody stands between a monkey and his Bar-B-Que.
In case you didn’t know, the monkey is the one who designed giant super trucks with hands free driving. He’s also the one who pushed you into signing that giant truck lease which you really can’t afford.
Once inside the truck, it’s the monkey who tells you to use your truck’s hands free driving while flying down a crowded highway at 100mph.
Of course the monkey is nowhere to be found when you get pulled over for speeding.
While the monkey let the big brains design AI, it’s the monkey who decided its application is a good thing. He doesn’t see it as a threat to its low intelligence or simple tool making, since by using AI, the monkey will have more time to visit the All-You-Can-Eat Bar-B-Que.
Even more confounding is that the monkey insists you should vote to put other reactionary simians into positions of power. It justifies this by telling you that those monkeys can be rational and generous, despite the fact that those monkeys have often been seen hoarding as many bananas as they can carry.
The monkey distracts you from these facts by whispering all kinds of strange conspiracies into your ears.
“Don’t fall for the lies from Deep State Banana.” The monkey hisses as it makes you look at phony Facebook posts full of confirmation bias.
The monkey further convinces you he’s far superior to any creature or technology, based on how much the two of you can destroy things and cover them in monkey shit.
The monkey also assures you that neither he nor the AI war machine he’s built will ever use those all atom bombs he’s stored in silos around the country. Oh sure, he’s used a couple nukes twice in the past, but honest Monkey’s Paw, he swears he’ll never use them again.
Just don’t threaten his banana supply.
Thanks to a Society of Illustrators of Los Angeles zoom discussion I participated in the other night, here’s a Dad joke it inspired and is for my friend Jon:
Q: What do you get when an Architectural Draftsman and a Theoretical Physicist have a conversation?
A: Multi-point perspectives.
Yes, I know it’s a real groaner, but to those professions I bet it’s a real knee slapper.
Jon please feel free to unleash it on your Perspective Class students, just don’t blame me for the silent response.
But wait there’s more!
A big shout out and thanks to editor Andrew Goldfarb. I just got my contributor copies of the latest issue of Freaky Magazine. If you enjoy wild, off-kilter, sometimes offensive but genius monster humor and comics that is a cross between Cracked, Wreck! and Sick! magazines (a reference from the 70’s , kiddos.) then this is the magazine for you! Go here to sign up for it on Patreon. It’s a true collector item!
Seeing my work in print is the ambrosia I live for. Thanks again.
That’s all for now my little monkeys, I hope you all have a great day.
Cheers,
Ed
Congratulations! Stow away all those bananas you'll make on this one.
Congrats on your success in Freaky Magazine!