Zeke the Berserker Returns
Zeke the Berserker Returns
A collection of dog inspired musings and a comic.
I let my dog, Zeke, write this week’s newsletter. I apologize beforehand since he’s prone to ridiculous flights of imagination and manic behavior.
Since the man let me write today’s newsletter, let me first get the following off my doggy chest.
Can people stop asking what I am?
Does it really matter? Shouldn’t all dogs be equal?
But if you feel like you need to satisfy your curiosity, I’ll accept any of the following to describe my breed of canine:
Carpathian Crumb Snatcher
Treat Terrorist
Muttgolian Butt Sniper
Whiskered Cookie Muncher
Jack-i-Huahua
Stool Hustler
Fussy Fur Baby
Although I have to admit, that last one still raises my hackles since I haven’t been a baby for quite some time. However with that said, if you happen to be offering me a piece of fried chicken while saying this, I’ll make an exception.
The Dog Psychologist
Thanks for being on time to your appointment. Here, sit, down on my couch and make yourself comfortable…uh…as comfortable as you can get, given that cone collar you’re wearing.
No, no. Oops. Sorry, I meant sit on the top of the couch…and make room for me so we can both look out the window to the street.
Good boy, good boy.
Now tell me, what’s been bothering you…other than that cone around your neck.?
Hmm…I see… Sounds like you have a touch of Separation Anxiety. That’s perfectly normal.
How’s that? You’ve been threatened with a trip to the pound if you don’t stop chewing up the furniture? How much furniture are we talking about?
ALL OF IT?
Oh my. This might be more serious than I thought.
Hold that thought…WHO’S THAT WALKING DOWN THE STREET? ARRRRRR….THEY LOOK SHIFTY TO ME. DO THEY LOOK SHIFTY TO YOU? ARRRRRR… That’s right buddy… that’s right… keep on walking!
Excuse me, where were we? Oh yes, anxiety. Have your owners bought you any chew toys? That might help avoid a trip to the “Put Down” pound.
Is this a sign of a deeper problem? That depends…
GODDAMN IT! It’s that fluffy Siberian Huskie from down the block! DAMN HIM! LOOK AT THAT FANCY PRANCE! ARRRRRGHH! BARK BARK! Oh No you don’t…NO YOU DON’T! DID YOU SEE THAT? HIS OWNER LET HIM PISS ON THE CORNER FIRE HYDRANT! THAT’S— MY— JOB! MOVE ALONG YOU FANCY PRANCE BASTARD! ARRRRGHH! ARGK! ARGK!!
I apologize. Let me shake that off a bit. Shake. shake. shake.
Now, back to you. So is the chewing problem why you got the cone? No? It was the compulsive masturbation whenever your human’s friends are visiting?
When will Humans ever learn? That’s a perfectly normal way to express trust to a human’s friends! By showing your most tender moments to them, it’s a nice bonding experience. It sounds like your humans are too self-involved. Perhaps you’d be better off without...
OH! SON OF A BITCH! IT’S THE MAILMAN AND HIS ROTTEN LITTLE TRUCK! HATE! HATE! ARRRRRGHSHGSH! BARK BARK BARK BARK! GROWL BARK! I HATE YOUR LITTLE BLUE SUIT! ARARRAAGAHGH! NEVER BRING ANYTHING FOR ME! HATE! HATE! HATE! ARRRRRGH! ARK! AACK! NOW DRIVE AWAY, YOU NO-GOODNICK PACKAGE PLUCKIN’ LITTLE MAN! DRIVE AWAY! ARRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Sorry, Sorry. I deeply apologize. I really should have scheduled your visit for…
You’re leaving?
I thought we were making progress!
AUDIO FUN TIME
And now a short audio story about a time I’d rather not remember.
Cheap Comics to Annoy your Neighbors
The man wanted me to promote his mini 28pg comic called “Manifesto Calypso.” He said it’s for people who annoy the crap out of you!
He tells me $3 would cover the printing and the postage for mailing you a three copies. Here’s a link to buy it with Stripe or Paypal. (Free copies get sent to paying subscribers.)
Hey wait, does this mean I’m promoting something that will bring the postman around more often? Arrrrrrrrghh… The man should have explained things to me more before I signed up to write this newsletter.
Ack. I’m going out to the yard.
Oh, there’s the man.
“Hey Buddy! Do your own damn newsletter writing! Where’s those dog cookies your promised me?”
Thanks for handling things, Zeke. I’ll take it from here.
I hope you enjoyed this week’s installment of my comics and newsletter. Sidenote: this Zeke the Berserker comic is part of larger comicbook I’ll be releasing in a few months that’s tentatively titled “The Book of Zeke.” It’ll feature all the comics I’ve created about my insane little pup. More on that down the road, but for now know that I’ll be sending out this book for free to paid subscribers.
If you’re looking for a fun place to hang out social media-wise, how about joining me on Notes?
Notes is a new space on Substack for us to share links, short posts, quotes, photos, and more. I plan to use it for things that don’t fit in the newsletter, like work-in-progress, old comics, or snappy answers to stupid questions.
COMICS AND SWAG
Looking for cool books, ebooks, tshirts and other swag that will help me to keep making comics? Check out my swag page.
That’s all for now, folks!
Ciao,
Ed
Thanks Zeke. An original dog.
I too have a Jack-huahua, and Zeke has a soul-sister!