Antiquing in Slumberland

A comic and some old comedy finds

Today I bring you a buffet of topics that you can chew on. First up is a little something inspired by my wife…

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The above comic was inspired by a true event.

At the start of January, my wife, Deb, had decide she wanted to improve her health, lose some weight and start eating a better diet.

Deb decided to extended Dry January forever plus try to be more vegetarian and limit her portion sizes. She was further resolved in her decision after we watched the documentary “You are What You Eat” on Netflix. (It was interesting. Although to be honest, I think it needed to have a longer study for better conclusive results.)

Being that I’m the one who prepares all the meals in this household, that meant that I too was being dragged into this new diet plan.

I was fine with that since I’ve been pushing our meals towards that direction for some time.

The reasons for this are quite extensive but I’ll try and condense it down for you: It’s to counter the effects of aging plus all the diseases and pollution that are associated with the average American Diet.

Also for the last two decades I’ve been dealing with the joy of Psoriasis. It’s taken me that long to dial in an effective natural treatment for that damn autoimmune disease. (I’ll post more on this in the future once I’ve confirmed the treatment is more than just anecdotal evidence.)

Anyhow, it’s ironic that while we had been together for over twenty years, it took a worldwide pandemic for the two of us to work together on the importance of food and health. Spending a few years avoiding restaurants and home cooking all your meals really ups one’s cooking and healthy meal planning skills.

This is all the more commendable that Deb is recently making the effort to be a better eater. It goes counter to how she was raised, where in her family sweets and cheesecake are part of a balanced diet, and most vegetables were considered a source of gastric poison.

Slowly I’ve been convincing her of the benefits of having a green on her plate every now and then. But thank you, Covid, for rushing along the adaptation to a healthier lifestyle and food choices.

She’s lucky she’s with me, a person who has been eating lower on the food chain for a while. Also due to the Psoriasis, I’ve been watching what I eat for years since so many foods are triggers for inflammation.

With my help, and with her own great will power, Deb has been doing well on her diet changes. She’s lost weight and is feeling better in so many ways in terms of energy, clarity and a decrease of pain in her joints.

However she still has those urges for nibbles and snacks.

This was exemplified when she jumped up one morning to exclaim that she bit her cheek in the night.

I asked her if it was during a dream about food. She wasn’t sure but remembered something about chewing gum.

Ergo, the comic.

I will note that with this new vegetarian diet requirement has barely complicated my meal planning.

However things changed four weeks ago, when Deb came back from a business trip to Florida with a case of the latest Covid variant.

It took a trip to the clinic to help her shake that bug. It was the first time she had ever gotten it and was particularly bad on her despite various inoculations. She finally beat it after two weeks with the help of the drugs she was prescribed.

But Covid wasn’t done with her yet.

By the way, the next time when someone tries to tell you Covid is a minor bug and denies its nefarious effects, kindly point them to the nearest long walk off a short peer.

Because last week, after we consumed a nice meal I made of Kale and Fusilli pasta in a Vodka Sauce topped with Mozzarella, Deb almost immediately had to rush to the bathroom for a bout of explosive diarrhea and vomiting.

It turned out that Covid had managed to alter her very slight almost non-existent lactose intolerance into a full blow intolerance!

I’ve read that Covid can screw up your guts but didn’t realize it still had the ability to act as bad as this!

As I was listening from outside of the bathroom door to Deb make watery banshee shrieks from both ends of her body, she managed to weakly speak a few words between hurls.

“Honey, I just want you to know (blarrggh!), the meal was very tasty.”

It was good to know that at least my cooking skills are still up to par, except I’m now researching diary free meal plans.

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Speaking of age and comedy, on a couple of recent trips to antique stores in the area I managed to score a couple of items that are definitely going into “The Flynn Library of Classic Hilarity and Goofy Schmaltz.”

First, tucked in the shelves of one shop I found a copy of The Mitlon Berle Joke Book “Out Of My Trunk” printed in 1948. It’s a collection of his various stories and jokes from his act. Based on the dust flying off some of these old groans, a few of these jokes might be old enough to come from his vaudeville days.

Here’s an example of what’s in the book:

A patient in an insane asylum was trying to convince an attendant that he was Napoleon.

“But who told you that you were Napoleon?” inquired the attendant.

“God did,” replied the inmate.

“I did not!” came a voice from the next bunk.

Great stuff. Full of the kind of cornball cheese that’s always cracked me up. The other great part of this book is not only the cover but it also has all these great line drawings by illustrator Denver Gillen.

I paid $6 for this which I considered a steal for this kind of Comedy Gold. Arguably though, if you know anything about Milton Berle, the book might be Fool’s Gold since Uncle Milty never actually wrote his own jokes, paid his writers very poorly, and was occasionally accused of stealing other people’s jokes.

Either way in terms of comedy and illustration history, it’s a two-for win.

The next item I spied in a bin of albums at a shop last night and instantly knew I had to have “Pure B.S.!” by Burns and Schreiber.

Only people my age, who were kids in the 1960s and 70s, would remember the comedy duo of Jack Burns and Avery Schreiber, whose film and TV credits are two numerous to list here.

I bought this because of it’s rarity, and also for nostalgia reasons. It reminded me of a time when my Dad and I would both look forward to watching “The Burns and Schreiber Comedy Hour.” While the show only lasted for one season, my Dad and I had endless laughs at the sheer goofiness of the show, especially when it came to their classic “Cab Driver” sketches.

As for the record itself, I haven’t given it a listen yet, but I’m sure I’ll enjoy it.

The record was produced by Little David records which was started by comedian Flip Wilson as a way for him to put out his own comedy albums. The label was dedicated to making mostly comedy albums. Not only did they put out Burns and Schreiber albums, but also George Carlin’s first seven albums. That bit of history alone makes this album a worthy buy.

The other thing that made me fork over $10 for this plastic biscuit was the cover art. It’s a fun parody of “Ripley’s Believe it or Not” illustrated by the great Bill Garland.

Another win in terms of comedy and illustration archeology.

It occurred to me, after buying these items, that I’m starting to amass quite a collection that cross references Comedy and Illustration. Hopefully when I finally leave this mortal coil that “The Flynn Library of Classic Hilarity and Goofy Schmaltz” goes to a fitting home. With any luck it’ll be in a wing of the Smithsonian, but I’ll be realistic and settle for the corner of some dusty old antique store where some nebbish like myself can gather a nice comedy and Illustration collection at cut rate prices.

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Until next time stay healthy and keep laughing.
Cheers,

Ed